Mother Interrupted

I was overdosing on the bed next to my three month old daughter after feeling like my life wasn't worth living. It was more than post-natal depression. I wasn't needed, I was born into a miserable existence. Two beings of light told me that there was no coming back after this and that if I wanted to see my daughter grow up, I would have to get to hospital immediately. I couldn't move. I looked at this beautiful child next to me who needed her mother. She was smiling at me and playing. How could I possibly let her grow up without a mother? I called out Ksheka in the next room and managed to tell her that I had taken something. I woke up at hospital with two very angry nurses changing the bed linen. It was December 1999 and ten other patients had attempted suicide because of Y2K and thought the world was coming to an end. The nurses were fed up of suicide cases, after all who would want to help someone who tried to kill themselves when they were people in Acute Care struggling against critical injuries and terminal illnesses. I Iooked around me at other patients, mostly men, who looked close to death's door and felt ashamed. More than that, all I wanted to do was live the rest of my life, I couldn't wait to go home and hold my daughter. I wanted to live more than anything else in this world.

AS