1. We are black and proud (okay, not all of us are black but we’re still proud of them too).
2. We are African and proud (okay, we are not all African but we’re proud of them too).
3. We are resoundingly leftist.
4. Except when we unashamedly accept sponsorship.
5. We love the South (and everything laterally and vertically South)
6. …which strangely manages to all be poor
7. … except for the Aussies?
8. The SAfrican art scene has pissed us of.
9. So has Bush.
10. And the Israeli government.
11. Bob is a bastard.
12. …even if it is the syphilis.
13. We like to think Che and Biko should be more than just cool T-shirt designs.
14. We might be throwing in cool quotes from Lumumba, Nkrumah, Luther King, Marley, hooks, Morrison, Kapur, Mama and other famous black dudes and dudettes.
15. Yes, we’re allowed to say the word ‘black’ (and ‘dudes’ and ‘dudettes’).
16. We like to think we’re cool (although all of our friends have told us 'no'…).
17. We know we’re smart… and we’re not afraid to show it
18. … especially in some articles that contain many three syllable words like postcolonial, coloniality, postmodernism, neo-colonialism, appropriation, kiss-ass, sell-out (ok, so not all of these are 3 syllable).
19. We feel comfortable enough in our authoritative positions to ask completely unknown novices to give their expert opinions on a range of issues (yes, we will tackle the spit or swallow debate).
20. We will shamelessly promote friends, family or potential sex partners on our platform (unless someone tries to take a family member as a sex partner – not cool dude!).
21. In spite of Njami’s theory of African voicelessness, we will scream…
22. …that his name sounds like a SAfrican cheese!
23. Our white friends will not try to pull a Heart of Darkness on us – “phansi White saviours phansi!”
24. If you are our friend and white, you will not be offended or stand in our way to change the continued apartheidness of South Africa. You will join us in the quest to have this country reflect its true demographics. And you will like it!
25. If you slap us on one cheek, we will turn the other cheek. If you slap us on that cheek, we will turn the other. But you’d better keep both eyes open as you approach your car when it’s dark. They say crime is quite bad in Johannesburg.